August Lonely Passes

Steeped in liquid sugar from disposable pails, this month bled through slowly like melting ice, sticky and half awake. Being, as it was, too hot to turn on my computer or do anything besides sleep in my sunny second floor bedroom, insects screaming into my smoldering windows warned I was sliding out of contact with loved ones and roommates.

Kanji characters: my only comfort in the air conditioned restaurant at midnight. I hold them while listening to an old lady having a conversation with the people inside her heart. I know I belong there, next to her, reading words like 解放 (liberation) and 放送 (broadcasting) under my breath while smokers stare at me through the glass partitions. It doesn't matter what they think; they are the ones who are wasting their time.

I'm Michi!

I'm Michi! he said when I met him at the ticket gate, and after that we spoke in Japanese. How old are you, Michi? Three. We went to the bank so his mother could make a transfer. We looked at an animal book. He made the baby whales say "I love you" to their mothers. What do giraffes eat, Michi? Leaves. Do you eat leaves too? No, I like grape juice. When the book grew stale Michi took to throwing himself headfirst into the chairs in the waiting area. Doesn't that hurt you? No, it's really soft. We went to his house and he asked me to draw him a road for the car stickers he'd received in the mail. He was pleased with my work. He said something I didn't understand and I asked him to say it again. He looked at me funny and I explained that my Japanese wasn't very good. America! he exclaimed, and I completely agreed. I'm Michi! he said.

How I Remember New Words Best:

痒い (itchy) is Aki and Makoto getting bitten by mosquitos while trying to read.
爽やか （refreshing) is Megumi taking a sip of her first margarita.
濃い (dense) is Atsushi describing how he likes his coffee.
シール　(cable) is Muffin setting up her bass guitar.
自動販売機　(vending machine) is Hitomi trying to convince me that Coca-cola is popular in Japan.
演奏　(musical performance) is Nishimura-san in white shoes, asking what time the show starts.
居心地がいい (cozy) is Ken asking if we should sit closer to the space heater.
旬　(in season) is Hirose eating raw sanma.
弱い　(weak) is Maki wrapped up in the cold evening.
実際　(reality) is Takamatsu-san on the telephone.
男前 (handsome man) is Mizuki looking at Jamon's picture.
素直 (docile, meek) is Rumiko explaining my new student's atmosphere.
盛り上がる (the spirit rises) is Chio and Tomo laughing uncontrollably.

The Japanese Proficiency Test

For this test, it's yes or no; pass or fail; proficient or worthless; you can stay or you're deported; you can live or you will be killed.

Is this a joke? We'll find out when our scores arrive in February.

Whatever our fates, it felt festive to be part of such a diverse gathering this morning. We rolled our international eyes when the somber young proctors walked down the aisles with photographs of our faces to check off our identities on their lists for a third time. My Canadian boss likened them to synchronized swimmers. When one Filipino man rose from his seat, declaring a need to use the men's room before the official end tone had sounded, he had representatives from myriad nations behind him. Had the 5'5" Japanese proctor in a black suit not backed down, he would have seen trouble. So unifying was the experience that the Bangladeshi guy who sat behind me asked for my number after the test, even though he was six inches shorter than me and maybe 15 years older.

Next year I will take the test again, when my brain is bigger.

No one is alone in the woods

Dear Anyone,

Want to climb an easy and cheerful type of mountain? Let Mount Hinode be your smart choice.

Start with a train ride west out of Tokyo, and watch the signs change from metal to wood. Eat roasted mochi on a stick with chestnut soy sauce in the nostalgic mountain-climbing machine while you change into hiking shoes. Marvel at all the old people around you. You will see layers and layers of elegant, straight cedar trees. Don't wonder where all the underbrush went; just be glad someone is keeping the place tidy (is it God?).

Arrive late in the day, so that when you reach the top of the mountain, no one will be there. Hold still and you won't hear a sound, nor feel any wind. Look all around you. There's Tokyo, and over there are some handsome charcoal mountains. The cedar trees are marching stiffly below you in uniform. Realize you're neither warm nor cool, and that there are no creatures in sight. But see a crow.

Evening will descend around 4:30 pm in the mountains, and the cedars will block out what light remains. Be on the lookout for 12th-century bandits as you strain your eyes for wayward roots.

Land safely nude in a hotspring bath, and see for the first time a toddler with a blue bottom--the kind you'd always heard about. Watch her stare at you while her mother splashes her with a fake-wooden bucket. Examine the pieces of skin and hair floating just visible on the surface of the water.

Back in Tokyo, receive your Japanese lesson over a wholesome dinner of boiled vegetables, fresh sashimi, fried lotus root, cod testicles, and warm sake. Learn that in one manner of speaking, men make love （だく）, and women are made love to （だかれる). Don't let this bother you, whoever you are.

Go to sleep satisfied, with a mellow heart and a clean, grateful mind,

Suggests L.L.

I Can Go Twice as High

松岡享子's translation of Beverly Cleary's 1975 classic Ramona the Brave is just the thing to inspire nostalgia for a childhood of summer reading. It also contains a level of vocabulary perfectly suited to Japanese eight-year-olds (or adults with the vocabularies of eight-year-olds). So far, Ramona has embarrassed her older sister, Beezus, by trying to stick up for her when some bullies at the park call her "Jesus Beezus." It's a nice little book, which will teach you such useful phrases as "親指を耳に突っ込んで、あとの指を振りながら、舌出したのよ。"　
But you don't have to take my word for it.